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"Smart" quotes are a pox upon the face of the Earth

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My least favorite byte is 0x00, for obvious reasons, followed closely by 0x11 and 0x13, for other obvious reasons, but really, I'm developeing a deep, abiding, years-long hatred for the sequences 0xE28098, 0xE28099, 0xE2809C, 0xE2809D and their fancy pirate names \u2018, \u2019, \u201C and \u201D.

When I type a god damned double-quote, you know what I want to appear? A god damned double-quote, a single-ducking-byte 0x22 thank you very god damned much. If I wanted some Unicrud up in this shit, I'd have ducking typed it. Did I stutter?

So because we (or at least I) still live in a world where HTML is a thing that one must occasionally actually type by hand (like an animal) and because the iOS on-screen keyboard is a monstrous horror that makes that (to be generous) extremely annoying, I have a few keyboard shortcuts, such as

That used to do what it said. See those straight up-and-down quotes there? Yeah, that's what I typed. I ducking typed that. But guess what! After the latest iOS upgrade, when I type ahref, what gets inserted? Waaaait for it...

Ooooh, curly!! Sure, that's close enough to what I meant. You know, except for the part where it doesn't actually work at all.

Even when you try to type an actual quote on the keyboard, you have to jump through an extra hold-and-pull-down-the-key hoop:

I'm surprised -- no really, I'm actually surprised -- that it's not also turning my hyphens into one of Unicrud's Nine Billion Alternate Names For Horizontal Obsolescent Latin En Dash.

And then of course WordPress spreads an extra layer of creamy turd on top of the whole sundae. Here are only the things I've discovered so far to make WordPress leave your god damned characters alone. I'm sure there are more lurking, and more sneak in with every release:

remove_filter ('the_content', 'wpautop');
remove_action ('admin_print_styles', 'print_emoji_styles');
remove_action ('wp_head', 'print_emoji_detection_script', 7);
remove_action ('admin_print_scripts', 'print_emoji_detection_script');
remove_action ('wp_print_styles', 'print_emoji_styles');
remove_filter ('wp_mail', 'wp_staticize_emoji_for_email');
remove_filter ('the_content_feed', 'wp_staticize_emoji');
remove_filter ('comment_text_rss', 'wp_staticize_emoji');
add_filter ('emoji_svg_url', '__return_false');

What the hell is wrong with you people. I can't even.


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